Peyton is 10 Months!!

On Christmas Day, my not-so-little man hit the 10 month mile marker. I can't believe he is that close to being one already. Every day, I think to myself "There is no way that he can make me smile anymore than he did today," and every day, he proves me wrong. He is the sweetest little guy I could have asked for and thank goodness that the Lord knows what I need more than I do because I got so much more than I would have ever even thought to ask for.

He is so much fun! He learned, quite fast, while we were at my dad's house that he can climb the stairs and boy, does he think that is just the bee's knees. He would start heading for those stairs, look back to see who was watching and then just take off. Before we knew it, he'd be at the first landing, giggling away. He is into everything now, which at our house generally isn't a problem but we got to see first hand why baby-proofing is so important while we were at my dad's. Thankfully, there wasn't any problems, just him being a nosy little boy.He finally has another tooth on the bottom of his jaw. It's on the right side and the one on the left is working on coming up. This boy is going to have a full mouth of teeth before he is 1!

One of the toys he got for Christmas is a walker style toy and he's learned to book it on that. It's a little alphabet train and it's tall enough that he doesn't have to bend over when he walks to hold onto it. He is still a little wobbly and sometimes, his top half goes faster than his bottom half but I think he might be walking on his own before his birthday. He is getting braver every day.

We recently found out that he doesn't appreciate fry sauce...at all...I gave him some tater tots on while I was cooking some more, Jayson dipped just one in a little spot of fry sauce and gave it to him. After he spit that one out, he wouldn't even touch the tots that didn't have fry sauce. I am pretty sure that this is the first thing we have found that he doesn't like...and Jayson plans on changing that as soon as he can (Jayson will eat fry sauce with just about anything).

Before school starts, I hope to get Peyton using sippy cups instead of bottles during the day. We tried to get him used to them today but he just HATES it. He fell asleep twice without a bottle/cup, which is very weird for him. He just refuses the cup and then daddy came "to the rescue" and gave him a bottle. I don't know what is going to be harder; getting Peyton on the cup or getting Jayson to put up with it while I do.

Oh, and the best thing I got him for Christmas??? He finally has his own Manning Colts jersey. I walked past a store in Logan that had them for 40% off and I just couldn't help myself! He looks quite handsome, if I do say so myself!!Anyway, that catches us up with Peyton the Tank, or as I have started calling him 'Goose'. He is, and will always be my little goose.


And, as always, my note:


My Goose:

You are getting so big and you are so smart! You know when you are getting into something that you shouldn't be and sometimes, it is so hard to tell you no because you are just so stinking cute. I love you more than words could ever describe and every day, that love just grows and grows. I can't believe we are getting so close to your birthday. I'm excited and sad at the same time. It's going to be fun, I'm planning a whole party for you with a Mickey Mouse cake that I am decorating myself. Daddy thinks we should just buy one but I want to make it for my special little guy.
I bought you Dumbo for Christmas and even though you don't like the whole movie, when the spot comes on that sings "Baby Mine", you stop and watch. Guess that's what I was buying it for. I love singing that song to you and I try to every chance I get. You are growing up too fast and I am afraid that I missing chances left and right but just know that I am trying. I love you Peyton. I can't wait to see what a good man you will grow up to be. But then again, I can wait forever. Stay sweet my precious man. I love you Goose.

Love,
Mommy

Christmas Trip to Logan

So for Christmas this year, we spent a week in Logan with my family. It was a blast! Peyton had tons of fun and once Tristan got over Peyton pulling the plug on the Nintendo game (mid-game) and Kaycee got over him throwing up on everything, they enjoyed having him there.
Peyton got a TON of new things. New clothes, new toys and new teeth. :) My favorite outfit has got to be the one Chelsea picked out--it's a new church suit! She got a 24 month size so it would last a little bit longer but I plan on trying it on him in a week or so. His best toy? Probably a toss up between the Alphabet Train Jayson and I got him and the Dance and Wiggle Puppy my mom got him. He loves the puppy but he loves the train because he can walk with it and the music plays when he does.

Jayson played with the twins and they really seemed to enjoy having him around this time.
Another highlight of the year: Chelsea turned 18 two days before Christmas; needless to say, she was pretty excited.

All of the siblings Chelsea, Sydney, Tristan, Kaycee, Jayson, me and Peyton went on a carriage ride around the Temple in Logan and it was beautiful! It was so much fun; it was a little chilly but it was so fun and we all enjoyed it a lot.Of course, Jayson got exactly what he wanted for Christmas: Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3. I think I scared him a little bit when he was opening the Battlefield 3 game...I had boxed it up in an old Huggies box, stuffed it with baby blankets, Desitin, and baby powder to add weight (I was in Peyton's room while I was wrapping and had to use what was around) and the first thing that my mom popped off when he was opening the box and pulling out said items was "Are you pregnant again?!?" Uh, no mom, but thanks :)
At any rate, it was a good Christmas. A little chaotic sometimes but I think that might just come with the territory. We had fun but we are glad to be home. Now comes the waiting game for student loans to come in and for school to start. I am getting anxious and we still have another week. Jay and Debbie got a treadmill for Christmas so that's what I've been occupying myself with lately (that Christmas weight really packed on) and will continue to do so even after school starts. Anyway, I hope all went well with everyone over the holidays and that you can ring in the New Year healthy and happy! Love to all! :)

End of the Semester/Christmas Plans

We are officially done with our first semester! Yay!! I'm glad it's over and can't wait for final grades to be posted. So far, two classes out of the five have been posted and we still have a 4.0. Pretty impressive, huh? Just kidding, Jayson and I are both fairly smart individuals and enjoyed class...for the most part. I wasn't entirely thrilled with our history instructor. She really knew her stuff but her class assignments were graded really heavily. The whole class was only worth 100 points which meant our first assignment was worth 15% of our grade. Eek!

Anyway, so that is over and I am actually pretty excited for our next semester for a couple of reasons. We have a math class (Jayson and I apparently really need to brush up on our math skills' we were placed in the high school math class but I know once we get in it, it will all come back to me), and another English class (might as well get it done, as Jayson hates English classes), sociology and philosophy. I'm pretty stoked for the last two. I took a sociology class in high school and loved it so hopefully, I will like this one too. Another reason I'm excited about this next semester is it will be our last one at Dixie State. For fall 2012, we will be transferring up to Southern Utah University, which is actually in Cedar City. So one more semester of dealing with kids that shouldn't have been let go to even go to college, they are so immature.

As far as Christmas goes, I AM SO EXCITED!! We are going to Logan for Christmas and it should be so much fun. Peyton is going to be one spoiled boy by the time it's all done. My mom and dad and sisters are getting him a lot of cute things in addition to the stuff that we got him. He's going to love Christmas; all that paper and noise, it will be so much fun. I'm really excited to see my family. I haven't seen them since October (which is a long time for me) and my parents have quit smoking since then. We all get to be together at my dad's house and the twins are really excited to see Peyton. They haven't been around him since he started crawling so I can't wait to see how they react to it. It should be a fun-filled chaotic holiday :)


Anyway, Peyton turns 10 months old on Christmas so I will be sure to get lots of pictures but the blog won't be updated for a bit. However, the break isn't over for Jayson and me until January 10th, so I will have plenty of time to get it caught up again before school starts. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and hope everyone can remember the real reason that we celebrate Christmas. Remember our Savior and all that He has done for us. God bless everyone! :)

Mommy Musings

So, I was talking to Jayson the other day and finally was able to put into words what I have been thinking for the past couple weeks.

I love Peyton more than anything in this world. The whole world could disappear but as long as I had Jayson and Peyton, my life would still be the best. As I was holding Peyton the other night, letting him fall asleep in my arms, I told Jayson I didn't understand how we could have more kids. He gave me the funniest look and I knew that I was going to have a hard time explaining it so I just jumped in as best as I could.

I told him that when we got married, I was the happiest I had ever been in life. At that point, I didn't think there was anything that could top that feeling and I was sure there wasn't room in my heart for any other being.

Then Peyton came along. That feeling I had when I got married to Jayson had amplified to more than 1000 times what it originally was. I truly was the luckiest person in the world. I had an amazing husband and a beautiful, healthy, happy baby boy. As the months wore on, my love and this feeling in my heart continued to grow. I have now arrived at the point where I feel, on a constant, daily basis, that my heart might just explode from all of the love I have for both Jayson and Peyton.

Which brings me to my point...how does one get past that? How can I have any more children when I don't think my heart can grow anymore. I don't think I can carry around any more love with me. I definitely want more kids. I just don't know how my heart can expand any more to encompass more love. So my mommy friends that have multiple children, how do you do it? I truly don't understand how one person can have this much love and excitement for someone else, and then two someones else and then three, or four, or five....or more. So for those of you who read my blog, feel free to comment because I truly want to know.

On a completely different note, I have found the coolest website ever! www.icaughtsanta.com I'm pretty sure I'm going to do this with my little brother and sister this year (they are five) and once Peyton and any more of my kids are old enough, I will do it with them. You upload a picture of your Christmas tree, in your house and you add a pose of Santa of your choice and then you have proof that Santa came to your house! How awesome is that!?!?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the mommy musings for today. Love to all!!

Little Moments

Yesterday marked Peyton's nine month 'birthday'. I can't believe he is already nine months old but I say that every month. He is such a beautiful boy and every day, I thank the Lord for blessing me with such an amazing gift.

So what has Peyton been up to? He's been crawling...everywhere. And I love it!! It is so much fun to follow him around and see what he tries to get into. He is learning so much every day. In our house, the kitchen/dining area and living room are separated by our couch and off of the dining area is a hallway which leads to the main bedrooms and the main bathroom. If I go and start his bath, he will hear the water running and crawl as fast as he can from the living room through the dining room, down the hall and into the bathroom. He LOVES his bath time. He likes to play in the water while it is still running and loves to play with his rubber duckies and his pirate ship. I love bath time almost as much as he does, just because he is so entertaining.

The day before his 'birthday' was Thanksgiving. We spent Thanksgiving at home (Jay and Debbie's) and all of their kids were able to come for the holiday. Let's just say that my little mister loves Thanksgiving. He enjoyed several foods, but his favorites were turkey, mashed potatoes, Grandma Debbie's rolls, and some ham (as long as it wasn't too chewy). But his absolute favorite ?? Banana cream pie. He ate half of Poppa Jay's slice and three or four bites of mine. And then I can't figure out why he was in 18 month clothes at 8 months, haha. He wasn't quite sure what to think of all the noise of some many people in the house but he sure enjoyed the food.

Since Jayson's sister, Jen, was able to come down for the holiday, she agreed to do his nine month pictures. We have only done two sets at this point (finishing the other two tomorrow, the 27th) but they are going to be so cute! I can't wait to see how they turn out. We also did some really cute family shots for my Christmas cards this year. I love Jen's work and can't wait to get them all back.

Jayson and I are still working on our sealing. We've had another minor setback but in a way, I'm glad that we did. It gave us the opportunity to better communicate with each other about the problem and our expectations. I think that it brought us not only closer together but closer to solving the problems we are facing right now. I am actually thankful for the incident because I truly think we are getting better at being married...and who doesn't like that feeling?? :)

The semester is almost over and I can't wait. Since we are going to St. George for school right now and our first class is at 8 a.m., we have to leave the house by 6:30...and I'm getting pretty sick of getting up at 5 to get ready for school. We have registered for our next set of classes for the spring semester and that will be the last semester we are at Dixie State. After next semester, we will have enough credits to transfer up to Southern Utah University. We are only taking 13 credits at Dixie right now but once we are up at SUU, we plan on taking more so that we can get done as soon as possible. I would love to take more right now but it is so hard being at a school that is an hour way (so that means two hours of driving, three days a week). Next semester, we are only in class two days a week, for about the same time; but it will be nice cutting down back on our driving.

As for my own personal goals, I set one for myself to read the entire Book of Mormon by the end of the semester. I stumbled a little bit along the way but I have finally (after two months) made it past Alma and I'm hoping the rest will be a little bit easier. I have about two weeks before the end of the semester, so as long as I apply myself, I should be just fine. I'm happy that I should make this goal. However, as soon as I'm done, I'm just going to turn around and read it again. They say that you get something different from it every time that you read it so I hope that is true. There are still so many things that I don't completely understand but I'm just glad I have the opportunity to read it. I'm also very thankful that I have Jayson for a husband and Jay for a father in law that I can go to with my silly questions and have them explain more to me.

Anyway, that catches us up for another month. We are so excited for Christmas and I am really hoping that we can spend it with my family (it's contingent on their quitting smoking). We have some really cute things for Peyton and I'm sure he will just love the tearing through (and probably trying to eat) the wrapping paper. Heck, he may even like that more than the presents!

As always, my note to Peyton:

Mister Man,
I love you so much. You bring so much happiness to my life. A few weeks ago, you were able to stand up in your crib and I was so afraid that you would fall out onto the floor. Before Dad was able to lower it for me, I had to rock you back to sleep in the middle of night so that you wouldn't try climbing out. We sat in the rocking chair, in the dark, with no noise but the space heater that I keep in your room. You laid on my chest, wrapped your little chubby legs around my waist and snuggled into me. As I sat there, tickling your back and telling you that I loved you so much, I heard you giggle. At first, I thought you were still awake so I quietly said to you "What's so funny?" but as I looked down to your sweet little face, I saw that you were asleep. I laughed to myself as quietly as I could but it was so cute. You had a little smile on your face and every few seconds, your smile would get bigger and you would just giggle. It made my entire night. At that moment, it didn't matter that it was two o'clock in the morning and that I had to be up in three hours. It didn't matter that I had two tests that day in our classes and that I could use all the sleep I could get. All I wanted to do was sit there and hold you. You didn't laugh for very long; it couldn't have been more than a minute or two. But it was that moment in time that made me so thankful I am your mommy. I thought to myself how much I am going to miss those days when you no longer want or need me to rock you to sleep at night. I know that you will always love me and you will always be my little man but it makes my heart sad that someday you will be growing up. I know that it needs to be done; you need to grow up, serve a mission and find a good girl to be sealed to in the Temple; but right now, I just want you to stay like this so I can have more of these little moments with you. Your crib has since been lowered down so that you can't fall out of it and most days, you sleep completely through the night. Sometimes, you will wake up in the middle of the night and if you cry for more than five minutes, I will go and rock you back to sleep. Most of the time though, you cry yourself back to sleep and all I can do is go make sure you have your blankets. But I do cherish those moments I have when it is just you and me. I love you so much. Words cannot ever describe how much I feel for you. I don't even know if you will ever understand a mother's love. Daddy loves you very much too but there is something different about our love; not bad by any means...just different. I love you so much my little man and I can't wait until Daddy can take us to the Temple so that we can be sealed as an eternal family. We have struggled on this road, as we are supposed to, but just know that we are trying so very hard to be sealed to you. I love you sweetheart, more than you will ever truly know and I can't wait for more of our little moments.


Love you honey,
Mommy

Peyton Crawling

So of course, right after I do the blog update that says he isn't crawling, what does Peyton do? Starts crawling!!! I was laying on the floor with him but I was watching TV. He was playing with some toys and he flung one a little bit away from himself. I saw him moving out of the corner of my eye but that wasn't too shocking since he's been scooting for a couple weeks. But then it dawned on me...I heard distinct thumping with every move forward. Jayson was walking into the living room about then and I said "I'm pretty sure he just started crawling." Jayson looked at me and said "No way." I responded, "No, seriously I think he did. Move his toys away from him and see if he does it again." So we moved his toys away and guess what? He started crawling! (Told ya so Jayson :))

It was so cute! He just started moving forward. I loved it! It was SO hard to not just pick him up and dance! He did it almost perfectly too. He was slow and you can tell that it takes him a minute to think about his movements but he's doing it. It's like he's been watching and just waiting for whenever he felt like it was necessary to move, haha. I sure love this little man and I'm so excited for this new stage in our lives!

Eight Month Update!

Believe it or not, we have hit the eight month mark. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't have such amazing math skills :) He is so big now! We had to take him in to check if his ears were infected again (they were) and when they weighed him, he was 22 pounds! I love this chunky man.He finally has all four teeth and he is working on his fifth and sixth tooth as we speak. He looks so stinking cute with all those teeth but it is just one more reminder that he isn't staying little forever like I want him too. I guess he's going to be a rebel from the beginning :)

I'm not sure why but about two weeks ago, he started doing this weird, hilarious, blink-spasm thing. He will look at the light, or you, or anything, and blink and twitch at the same time. It's a 'hard' blink too, with his eyes all scrunched up. It is SOOOO freaking funny. I bust a gut every time he does it and he has gotten to the point that sometimes when I go "Peyton.....do it...." he will start doing it just for me. Sometimes, to top it off, he makes this throat clearing noise when he does it and that just sends me over the moon!


Tell me this isn't the funniest thing you have ever seen?? I just love it!!

He is ALMOST crawling but just like with the rolling thing, he gets halfway there, gets frustrated and gives up. He can move backwards and he gets around the rooms by laying on his stomach and then pushing himself forward. Then he sits up and rotates the other direction. He does this several times and gets himself wherever he wants to go. It's pretty cute to watch him scoot around. He is loving the fact that he is somewhat mobile but I really can't wait until he is fully crawling. It'll make my life a little bit more crazy but a little bit more sane at the same time. And only you other mommies will understand what I mean.

He does the funniest things to interact with me these days. He is eating finger foods, like Cheerios and the Gerber Graduates Puffs. Sometimes, when he eats too fast, he coughs/chokes a little on his saliva. I always say to him "Be careful buddy," and he will look at me, smile and then fake cough a few more times. Then I will say "Oh, you are such a little faker!" and he will just giggle!! My nerdy little man.

Jayson and I have hit the middle of our semester and I can't wait for it to be done! It's not that our classes are hard, by any means. I am just so SICK of driving to Saint George three times a week. I was tentatively planning our next semester (which will also be at Dixie State) and if it all goes like I want it to, we can make it so we are only driving down to Saint George one day a week! That means spending less on gas, less on daycare and maybe Jayson and I can afford a date night once in a while. If we're only going to class one day a week, we would spend the same amount on daycare for the whole semester as we do in six weeks now and gas is no different. We are filling up our tank about once a week which means we are spending at least $150 a month on gas; keep in mind, our income is $1000 a month. I'm sick of being so strapped so I seriously can't wait for next semester! Plus, our classes should be a little more challenging. Biology, Chemistry, English 2010 and elementary algebra (ya, the one they do in high schools; we're dumb).

Anyway, that's about it for us this month. Jayson and I are getting excited for Peyton's first Christmas. We aren't sure where we are spending it this year. It was going to be with my family but unless they quit smoking by then, we will be spending it with Jayson's family. That will be really hard for me; I really wanted Peyton's first Christmas to be with my family but I don't know if I'm going to be able to. I guess only time will tell. So anyway, we'll hang on until next month and see ya then!

As always,

Peyton,
You are getting bigger every day. I sure wish you would try crawling! You get so close, and it makes me so happy to see you learning new things. You just need to try a little harder and you'll have it. I can't believe just a couple more months and you will be a year old. It really isn't fair and someday, when you have kids of your own, you will understand all of the excitement and heartache I go through every day. You make everyone around you smile and you don't even have to try, it's just a natural quality you seem to have. You are the BIGGEST flirt I have ever seen. You got mad at me because I stood between you and a female clerk at the store the other day. You hollered at me until I moved and then you sat there and smiled and winked at her. You made the poor girl blush. I love you so much Peyton. You are my biggest little man and I love how much you have changed my life. Some days are hard but they are completely worth it. I love you so much honey. Keep smiling and keep growing; I know you need to, even if I wish it happened a little slower. Love you buddy.

Love,
Mom

Seven Months Update

Wow. Time doesn't seem to be slowing down at all. Peyton is already seven months old. And we are loving every minute of it! He is getting so big, trying to crawl, trying to walk, trying to eat more of mom and dad's food. This little man just grows a little bit every day. Poor guy had his first ear infection and we thought it was a constipation problem (because his infection was causing him other issues) and ended up taking him to the ER twice for it. He would feel better for a few days and then get stuck again. On the third time, it was during the week (where the first two times were late in the evening on the weekend) so I was finally able to take him to his regular doctor. He suggested several things for me to try, most of which we had already done, and went to check the rest of him out and lo and behold, an ear infection! He's been on antibiotics for 5 days now and seems like he is doing so much better. We'll have to wait until he is off the antibiotics to see if that's truly what was causing the constipation. Let's hope...I hate it when my little guy is in pain because there is only so much that I can do.Peyton is working on his top tooth and I can't wait until it is fully popped out. The tip of the tooth is visible but doesn't look like it is going to come out much more for a while. We have plans to go up north to Salt Lake City and Logan in two weeks and I hope it is more visible by then so I have something new to show off for him (not that he doesn't have enough already!!).

We finally had to cut his hair. I didn't cry. I definitely wanted to but I didn't cry. He looks so handsome. It's amazing how something as little as getting his hair cut can make him look so much older. He does, he really looks more grown up now. However, it looks like his hair is going to be just like his dad's-growing at the speed of light! It's only been two-ish weeks and we're going to have to give him another one soon.

Jayson and I are getting closer to being sealed. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't wait for the time we can be sealed together as a family. We have made a lot a progress both as individuals and as a couple and family. I don't know when we finally get our temple recommends but I truly can't wait. I have also been working on genealogy for my mom's side of the family. Basically her whole side of the family is Catholic and needs to have their work done for them and I can't wait to be one that can do baptisms for my ancestors. There are so many that I won't be able to do them all myself but I know that Jayson will help me and when our kids are old enough, they will help as well. I'm not sure how my mom's family would feel about me doing this so for right now, it isn't going to be something I freely advertise. The time will come, I just need to be patient.

I am so blessed that I have such an amazing family. Not just Jayson and Peyton, but his family and my extended family. I recently received a Patriarchal Blessing and one of the things that stood out to me the most was I was told that I would be instrumental in the conversion of my family. Nothing would delight me more. I am so thankful that I live in a time that the Gospel is so readily available. I am glad that I have the chance to teach it to my growing family and those around me.

As always, I want to end with a note to my special little guy:


Peyton,
You are still growing, as you will for years to come. It makes me cry sometimes but they are always tears of happiness and love. I want you to know how hard your Dad and I are working so that we can be sealed as a family. The road has been, and will continue to be, hard at times but we know that it is infinitely more worth any of the hardships we go through to get there.

You are learning that it isn't fun to just sit there all the time. You are starting to pull yourself up onto your toys, onto people that you sit with, and on pretty much anything else you can get a hold of. It is so cute to watch you, especially when you don't know that I am there; turns out, you are quite the 'mama's boy' and if you see me, you quit trying whatever you were working on because you want me to pick you up, and I almost always give in. I'm going to have to start getting a bit more strict or you aren't going to learn. I think this is what everyone always refers to as 'tough love'. More than once, you have pulled yourself up onto something, only to realize that is as far as you can go! You still aren't quite brave enough to do much else. I've tried to entice you with graham crackers to get you to take a step away from the couch, but to no avail. You aren't there yet, but it won't be long before you are completely walking all on your own. I can't wait but I don't ever want it to come. You'll understand this someday when you have your own children.Peyton, I know that you are going to do great things in your life. Even at this young age, you have already brought so much positive change just to our little family and I can't wait to see what you do later on in your life. I know that it will be great. Just remember to keep smiling for me; those cute little smiles I get (especially after I've been gone to school all morning) make my heart melt and keep me going through those hard days. I love you so much Peyton. So very much.

Where Does the Time Go?

(I really wrote this on his 'birth-day' but forgot to publish it!)


It's happened. We've hit the six month milestone. I'm really not sure where the past six months have gone but boy, have they been fun! Peyton is getting so big, he's already over nineteen pounds! The little stinker still isn't rolling over from his belly to his back but he's giving it more of an effort now. I honestly think he is going to be crawling before he figures out the rolling thing.Peyton is one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. He laughs at everything these days. I recently bought the movie Rio for us (okay, I really wanted to see it and even though he is only six months old, Peyton is now my excuse for watching little kid movies again!) and he loved it! All those bright colors and the music, it was hilarious to watch him, watching the movie. I didn't manage to get any decent pictures of him doing it (they are all on my phone) but, since we were watching it on dad's computer (the main house power was out), he was able to lean REALLLLLY far forward. He was almost bent in half leaning towards the computer screen, it was so cute.

I've started 'walking' with him across the floor. He can take about ten steps before his legs begin to give out but he is getting so good at taking steps. Before, he would just drag his feet along but now he is getting the concept that it's easier to pick up your feet.We recently had another bout of teething and this time it was the top two coming in. The right hand side broke through for just a minute and then went into hiding again. His no-longer-toothless-grin is so adorable, I just love it.His new 'trick' is to make funny faces whenever I pull out the camera. Just a few examples:


Jayson and I have started school again. It's a little weird going to school with a baby because most of our classmates aren't even married, let alone parents, so we get some pretty strange looks when we talk about Peyton but that's okay. Better late than never, right? :) I love being back in school. We are going to Dixie State College, which is in St. George, about 40 miles away from where we live. Once we have enough credits (24, I believe), we plan on transferring to the better school, Southern Utah University, that is here in Cedar City. The classes we are taking right now are just general education courses, which are a little boring, but at least it's something. I just can't wait until we are in our nursing course classes, it'll be so much more interesting.

Jayson and I are also working on our personal issues so that we can be sealed together in the LDS Temple. I'm working on removing the tattoo on my foot, since it is the only one that is visible, and once we can afford it, I will probably get the others removed. I have just come to realize that there are so many more important things in life than a tattoo and just like I once had to 'give up' my belly button piercing, I'm doing the same with my tattoos. I used to think that I never would hit this point in my life, or that if I did, I wouldn't be happy about it. I couldn't have been more wrong. Although I love my tattoos because they all mean something special to me, being sealed to my husband and son are SO much more important.

So that's about it with us. Peyton is continuing to grow, much to my amazement and disappointment. I am so happy he is growing and healthy but it breaks my heart that he is already six months old. He'll be in kindergarten before I know it! Even though that idea makes my heart cry, I love being a mommy and wouldn't trade it for a single thing in this world.

As always, I want to end with a note to Peyton:

Peyton,
Hey there my little man! You are getting SO big. I love that you are learning with every single day and I love helping you learn. I can't wait to show you all the beauties that this world has to offer. I can't wait teach you about church and our beliefs. Today, I watched a lizard scurry across the parking lot on our way out of class in St. George. I thought it was so awesome to see something like that, right out in the open and I can't wait to watch your face the first time you see it. You are my sweet little man and I know that no matter how old you get, you always will be. We, Dad and I, really love you; more than anything in the world. Even though I love being back in school, I miss being home with you. It's only for a few hours, three days a week but I miss that time in the morning when we snuggle in bed. It's not for very long but it's one of my favorite times of the day. I love you so much sweetheart. So very much.

Love,
Mom

5 Whole Months!

So I am a little bit behind in posting; vacations, job changes and life somewhat got in the way so bear with me :)

My little man is a whole five months old! Can you believe it? I know I sure can't. I'm not entirely sure where five months went but he is getting so big and so much fun!He still won't roll over from his tummy to his back but has finally figured out how to do it from his back to his tummy (which is backwards for most kiddos and generally harder than tummy to back. What can I say?). I came home from work on the 21st of July and Jayson came upstairs and said "Come look at this!!" Peyton had rolled over in his sleep and was comfortably sleeping on his stomach. Soooo cute! When I try to get him to do tummy time, he still just whimpers until I finally give in and roll him back over. We've tried everything: moving toys across his field of vision, me moving and calling him from the other side. Nothing works. He just follows it until the object is out of site and then lays his head down. Pretty cute, I just wish he'd roll over. Oh well, it'll happen when it's time.

On the 26th of July, after almost a month of solid teething, his right bottom tooth finally broke through. Two days later, so did the left! He looks so cute with two little teeth. They are still pretty small but when they get a little bigger, I will get a picture with my little man's latest fashion accessories. Such a handsome boy.

He is sitting up mostly by himself these days. He still has moments where he leans too far forward and can't save it or off to the sides where he'll just tip over. It's so cute but it makes him so mad!

I love this man so much. He is just my little sweetheart and makes me smile 1000 times during the day....sometimes more. :)

As far as Jayson and I are concerned: I had a job for a few weeks working with girls that had anger or substance abuse issues. I really liked my job, even though dealing with 20+ teenage girls could sometimes get annoying, but I quit this week. The management was a joke and wouldn't work with the schedule I needed (and told them when I was hired) and it was just really hard being away from Peyton during the evening. I didn't have this much trouble with a day job but I just felt like I was missing too much with him at night. So, after some prayer and talking it over with Jayson, I decided to quit. I was a little nervous at first and spent the entire next day out in Cedar City looking for jobs and filling out applications. Then, on Wednesday, we received a letter from the Veteran's Administration saying that Jayson had been approved for his housing allowance. Not only had he been approved for it but it is about $250 more than we were expecting! We'll be receiving about $750 a month, which with me only working part time, was about how much I'd be bringing in. So if everything works out, I may not work at all. Jayson and I can just go to school full time and spend the rest of our time with Peyton and working on homework. I sure how we can do that. It would be so nice.

Anyway, that's pretty much all that's new with us. I am super excited to start school in 17 days. The sooner we start, the sooner we're done! :) I just want to end by saying how grateful and thankful I am for the blessings I have received in my life. I am very lucky woman and can't wait to see what the future brings!

As always, I want to end with a note to my little man:

Peyton,

You are growing WAY too fast! I wish sometimes that I could slow down time and enjoy you more as you are right now. You are such a smiley man and it makes my heart sing every time you look at me with those gorgeous blue eyes and that smile that is no longer a toothless grin. I am so thankful you were given to me and I can't wait for our family to be sealed together. I know it is taking longer than we want but I just want you to know that you are the drive behind it all. You are the reason that we are focusing so much now, even though we should have been doing it sooner.
I love watching you explore your surroundings. I love watching the look on your face and the concentration in your eyes as you study something new that you haven't seen before. You love to learn and I can't wait to help you learn all that you want later in life.

You are my sweetheart Peyton. You always will be, no matter how old you get, or how much you may not want to be. You will always be my little man. I love you so much and I can't wait to explore the world with you. Keep smiling, you are my sunshine.

New Job

So I finally have a job. It's not working as a Medical Assistant which kind of stinks but it's a job nonetheless. It's working at a group home for teenage girls that have anger issues or problems with drugs and alcohol. I can't give too much detail but suffice it to say that it will be an interesting job.

I have never been one to be assertive about what I want or keeping people in line. I can do it, but I would rather keep the peace than risk a confrontation. That won't be the case here. I am to watch these girls like a hawk, and write them up for everything I feel is necessary. The list of "consequences" (the things we can write girls up for) is three pages long and most of them are broad enough that several things could fall under one consequence.

I am excited to start a new job. It's nice to know that we'll have a little income besides our student loans. Jayson isn't sure what is going on with the Army GI bill yet so we don't know if we'll be approved for it. I sure hope we will because that's at least an extra $500 a month income, but I'm trying to be patient and let the things that will happen, happen.

Part of the reason I am excited to start this job is because it is something different than I am used to. It is going to get me out of my comfort zone. It's going to get ugly sometimes and there may be days that I don't want to do it or don't know how to handle a situation but I'm going to try anyways. I think this experience could help me later on in my career. I eventually want to be an ER nurse and that job can get pretty ugly too.

Anyway, so that is what is new with us. Peyton is growing every day but the little stinker still hasn't rolled over yet. We had to take him to the pediatrician last week and he had gained over a pound (19 ounces to be exact) in 3 weeks! My little chunkers :) He laughs all the time and has gotten quite used to Cedar City and the different noise level in the house now. Every day, I think I can't possibly love him anymore than I already do and every day, I prove myself wrong. I love this boy so much. Between him and Jayson, I'm pretty much in love all the time now.

The Johnson Family Reunion is coming up this weekend and as always, I'm sure will be a hoot. Peyton will be five months old in 13 days, but who's counting? I hope all is going well with your families and that everyone had a safe holiday. My love to everyone and remember to keep smiling!

The Jenkins/Pilon Children

So for my mom's birthday this year, since, as of right now, I won't be there to celebrate it with her, I finally got pictures of all her kids. Once again, my amazing sister-in-law, Jennifer, did them for me. They are going to be stinking cute! As of right now, these are the only ones I have gotten back from her but I will upload them anyway. I love them all! :)

Jenifer, 21 years old 6-25-11

Chelsea, 17 years old, 6-25-11





Sydney, 13 years old, 6-25-11




Tristan, 4 years old, 6-25-11





Kaycee, 4 years old, 6-25-11

Four Months...and Changes

So on June 25th, Peyton turned 4 months old. I can't believe how fast he is growing!! At his last check-up, he was 15 pounds, 7.5 ounces and almost 25 inches long. He's a chunk!! He still hasn't rolled over yet, and still hates his tummy time. He is getting closer to rolling over but after about three minutes on his tummy, all he does is cry. My cute, pathetic little man :) The last week and a half or so, he has been pretty fussy and I wasn't sure why, but now I think we are teething. On his bottom jaw, there looks like there might be two teeth struggling to break free. He still sleeps normally through the night but is fussier during the day. That's okay, he's still super cute!



So the biggest thing that has changed is we have finally moved to Cedar City. We are living with Jayson's parents and it looks like we will be here for a while. I'm so thankful that they are putting up with two more adults, a baby and two dogs moving into their basement! I'm glad to finally be down here but it's bittersweet. I haven't ever really moved away from my family before and now that we have a little one, it seems even harder. Being in Cedar City means that we're finally going back to school but I still miss my family like crazy. Before we left, Jayson and I took the family to the Living Planet Aquarium in Salt Lake City (well, Sandy). It was so much fun! There was a sea turtle and penguins...all that I needed to be happy!
The picture is a little blurry because he was swimming so fast...this little guy booked it around his tank! It was so cool!!



So that's pretty much all that is new with us for now. It's been a fast and crazy month but a good one overall. My mom and I are already devising plans for me to be able to come up to Logan next month around her birthday so hopefully it works out so that I can! I just want to close by saying how in the past month, my testimony of Jesus Christ has increased so much. I know that without Him and the Church, I wouldn't be able to go through this--while moving down here is a good idea, it's still very difficult for me to be so far away from my family--and without His help, I would be a complete mess. I am very thankful for the Church and for His guidance and I know that the Church is true and I say these things humbly in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.





P.S. A note for Peyton:
Everyday with you is an absolute adventure. I love watching how much you grow and learn every day. It's like I can almost see your thoughts as you see something new for the first time, like when you were watching the sea turtle swim by with your daddy. I love you so much Peyton, I don't think you will ever know how much. You and your daddy are my everything. I can't wait to see what the next day will bring! I love you!!

Three Months!

So I'm a few days late in posting this (our computer crashed and my amazing husband has spent the last few days fixing it, successfully!!) but Peyton is three months old already!! I can't believe how big he has gotten. He tries to roll from his back to his front but hasn't quite figured it out yet. He gets all the way to either side...he usually accomplishes this by trying to eat his fist, which, the harder he tries to reach it, the farther it goes.

He talks all the time and is so aware of his surroundings. He loves to watch TV (sad, I know)--I think the moving colors fascinate him; or at least that's the justification I try to give myself for my 3 month old watching TV. We are finding more and more ticklish spots to make him giggle. His laugh is the cutest thing in the world. I can be having the worst day ever and one little giggle from my little man is all I need.

He likes to play peek-a-boo and has gotten very good at anticipating the "boo!".

Look at that face!!! I about died laughing!!!!

He has finally gotten big enough that I feel okay with bathing him in the big tub. I, for the life of me, cannot find one of those little baby sponges that you bathe babies on so we just use a towel with the top rolled down for a headrest. Works for what I need it to :)

Not a very modest picture but he's three months old so deal with it. :)

He looks so tiny in that big tub but he likes it. Last night, he discovered if he kicks, he can splash, and that made him smile. Pretty cute! :)

I sure love being a mom. I couldn't have asked for a better lot in life. Some days, when I am starting to get down or frustrated, all I have to do is look at my beautiful family. Peyton has made such a positive impact in our lives; we are currently getting things in order so that we can be sealed in the LDS Temple. I hope to be sealed next year-Jayson and I had our first date July 16, 2007 and I think it would be neat to be sealed the same day. I don't think we will make it this year but hopefully by 2012, that can be accomplished. I tell Peyton every day how special he is and how he is encouraging us to do something we should've done a while ago. Better late than never, right?
As far as our personal lives, Jayson and I both got accepted into Dixie State College. We start classes on August 22nd. I am super excited to be going back to school! Jayson and I are both going into nursing so we are taking the same classes for as long as we can (there are some classes I might not have to take). It will be so nice to have a study buddy right in my own house! Jayson is pretty excited to be going back too. However, with going back to school, that also means moving. Jayson's family is being gracious enough to let us stay with them as long as we need to. Our plan is to go to school full time fall, spring and summer to hopefully get done sooner. It is going to be a nightmare at sometimes with both of us in school and with Peyton, but it will be so worth it. We'll hopefully be done before Peyton gets into kindergarten! I have interviewed at an office in St. George but I am not for sure if I will take it-I won't be able to go to school except for one class in the early morning and one at night.

Moving is going to be hard. I have cried on each trip to Cedar City for a good portion of the trip. I have never been away from my family, and now that I have my own little baby, it makes me really sad that I won't be able to run over to my mom's house when Peyton rolls over, or sits up completely on his own. Jayson has been really good about it, talking me through all my crazy emotions and telling me about when he had to leave his family for the Army. I know it will be okay. It just will be a bummer for a while. But hopefully, with school and Peyton, I will have enough to keep me occupied.


Well, that about catches us up. Hopefully, our computer won't crash again and I will be able to keep going with my blog.




And, as a special note to my little man:

Peyton,
I love you more than words can ever describe. You have no idea how special you are. You are making so many things happen that you may not even comprehend for years to come. I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father blessed me with you and I cannot wait until we are all sealed together as a family. You are growing up so fast, I can't even believe it. Every month that I post these notes, I can't believe another month has gone by. Next thing I know, you'll be walking, and running, and going to school. I am excited for the future but I will definitely miss these days with you. I love you so much.

Love,
Mom :)

Peyton Saying Hi To Aunt Leah and Uncle Wayne

Little Peyton 'saying hi' to my Aunt Leah and Uncle Wayne, who live in Montana! Love you guys!!

Peyton's First Easter

Can I just tell you how much fun I have doing family pictures now? Thank goodness I have a husband who puts up with my shenanigans (for the most part :)

We had an Easter Egg Hunt in our yard for my little brother and sister, Tristan and Kaycee. At one point, Kaycee turned to me and said "I'm good at this game!!" Yes, Bear-Bear, you are good at it.

Our Easter Egg Hunt ended with Jayson deciding to attack my sister Chelsea with four cans of silly string...my yard still has string in the grass...haha

Also, since Peyton was two months old the day after Easter, we'll just count the Easter pictures as his two-month-old ones. He is getting so big! He had his two month check up on the 28th; that meant shots :( But he did really well, it didn't even effect his sleep that night. But he already weighs 11 1/2 pounds!! My little chunky monkey!

He has been laughing now for a week or two. It is one of the cutest things I have ever heard. What makes him laugh? Almost anything, including the fact that when his nose is stuffed up in the morning it makes him snort like a pig--apparently, that's funny feeling/sounding to him because I get a giggle almost every time. And I'm pretty sure that I have one of the CUTEST, most HANDSOME boys ever. Just sayin' :)

Smiles!

Have I mentioned how much I love his smiles?
In the morning, Peyton gets in this quiet, content, happy mood.
That's when I usually get the best smiles.
However, by the time I get my camera, he isn't giving me as big of ones, but they are still cute.
I can usually get him to smile by saying "Helloooooo Baby Peyton!"
I love it.


I just love him.

1 Month Old!

So my pregnancy went by so fast; I shouldn't be surprised that time with Peyton is doing the same thing.
Jayson keeps saying things like "I can't wait until he is crawling" or "I can't wait until he can pick up his toys!".
I keep telling Jayson to stop saying those things because I'm already afraid of that. I like this time.
Even though they are long sometimes, I love the night feedings when it's just me and Peyton. I can sit and stare at him and if he feels like it, he can do the same to me.
He is starting to coo and 'talk' and his movements are more controlled...he still manages to smack himself in the face on a daily basis but it's not QUITE as often.
I seriously love being a mom.
I love this little guy to no end and would do anything to make his life better. :)

Peyton's Birth Story

I rolled over and checked the time. 4:30 a.m. I still had about an hour but there was no way I’d be going back to sleep now, my nerves had wound a tight knot in my chest. I was going to be having a baby today. I was excited to finally be able to meet my little guy. But I was really nervous too. How much pain would I be able to stand? I wanted to wait as much as possible for my epidural but I knew my pain tolerance wasn’t very high. Since this was my first labor, both Jayson and I were anticipating a twenty-plush hour labor. So even though I was being induced today, it was a very real possibility that we wouldn’t actually have our baby until tomorrow. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to go that long. I was afraid of a lot of things but just decided to ignore my worries. I had support from Jayson and my mom and my doctor was great so what could go wrong?

Finally, after an hour and a half, I was able to call the hospital to see what time they wanted us to come up and get started. Jayson was a bundle of nerves; he would have gone up right at six if that was an option. The nurse told us to be up there at 7:30 and we could get started. Our “go-bag” was packed, as it had been for two weeks, and loaded in the car. Our dogs, Annie and Oakley, knew something was happening; their attitudes were different. We took them out, made sure they had eaten and drank and put them in the kennel. I felt bad for leaving them but I knew that my mom and sisters would take care of them while we were in the hospital.

Suddenly, it was time to go. It had snowed a little bit during the night so the roads were a little wet. It was supposed to snow more today but the sky was clear and the sun was coming up and shining brightly; I wasn’t sure how much I believed the weather report. Jayson was getting very excited; I could tell because he was jabbering away but I was more withdrawn. He asked me what I was thinking but I wasn’t sure what to tell him. What wasn’t I thinking was probably the more appropriate question. Even though my brain was running a million miles an hour, it was like I couldn’t form a coherent thought.

We got to the hospital right at 7:30 and it was upstairs to the second floor, Labor and Delivery, to get all checked in. Once all the paperwork was done, they showed us to our room, #12. Our first nurse was Lindsey and she explained to us what was going to happen. Dr. Benedict would come in and break my water, and then they would start the Pitocin in my IV line to start the contractions. The first cervical check I was dilated to two centimeters and the baby was at the ‘minus two’ station. Dr. Benedict came in right at 8:00 and broke my water. That was really weird; you feel like you are wetting the bed and it goes against all you are ever taught about NOT wetting the bed; a very odd sensation to say the least.

By 9:00, I was feeling my contractions but they were like ones I had been having at home. They were mildly uncomfortable but they definitely weren’t painful. The nurse came in and said they were turning my Pitocin drip up by two units, which was the standard increase. I was all for it. I wanted to get to the hard stuff; that meant I was that much closer to actually holding my little guy. About fifteen minutes later, Lindsey came back in and said that they needed to turn the drip back down. With every contraction, the baby’s heart rate would drop a little and it was taking longer than it should to return to normal. They said that this was a common problem and once his heart rate stabilized, they would increase the drip by one unit at a time instead of two. I was a little bummed that they needed to do it slower but I wanted the baby to be safe and okay.

By noon, my Pitocin drip had been increased four times and I was really starting to feel my contractions. Jayson was helping me breathe through them and rubbing my back while mom was helping by rubbing my legs and telling me when the contraction peaked so I knew it was almost over.

My nurse came in at 12:40 to check my cervix and see how much it had changed. I was at three centimeters and was about 90% effaced. My contractions were coming about every two minutes but some were coming quicker than that, which wasn’t doing me any good. Lindsey said if they kept coming closer than two minutes, we would have to drop the Pitocin down again. Even though I couldn’t really do anything about it, I tried to focus on having a contraction every two minutes and no sooner. I didn’t want to slow down. I didn’t want to slow it down any so I told Jayson that I would try and stick it out. These contractions were getting painful and with every one, I was really close to crying. I could tell my mom did not like seeing me in pain and she offered more than once to get my nurse and anesthesiologist but I wanted to try to hold out just a little longer. Jayson and I wanted to try and make it to 2:00 before I had my epidural because Lindsey had told us that with some cases, having the epidural actually slows the dilation down. That was at 1:07. By 1:25, every contraction was very painful and I knew I wasn’t going to make it until 2:00. I had my mom go and get my nurse, Judy (who had come in at 1:00), so I could have my epidural. The anesthesiologist was there about ten minutes later and had me bend over off the edge of the bed while Jayson held onto me and kept talking me through my contractions. About fifteen minutes after the anesthesiologist had placed my epidural catheter, I could no longer feel pain. I could still feel the pressure of my contractions but they weren’t painful anymore.

By now, it was a little past 2:00. My new nurse was such a sweetheart. She checked my cervix and I was dilated to five centimeters. I had gone from three to five centimeters in just over an hour-we were all surprised! That much change and I wasn’t in pain; it was great! Now we just needed to wait until I was more dilated. Jayson and I had brought some Simpsons DVDs to watch and kill time, so that’s what we did. Every once in a while, I would check the monitors to see how the baby’s heart rate was doing; it was still dropping with every contraction but it was eventually coming back up to normal. The nurses weren’t openly worried about it so I just tried to keep my mind on something else.

At 3:30, I was ready for another cervical check. I was almost completely effaced; my cervix had what’s called an “anterior lip” still but that was it. The baby had moved down to the ‘minus one’ station; I knew he had moved further down because I could feel him lower than before. We were getting close, which was really cool; this was speeding along a lot quicker than I thought it would. My mom had to leave right after this last check to pick up my sister, Chelsea, from school but I knew nothing significant was going to happen while she was gone so it was okay. Jayson and I continued to kill time, watching Simpsons, updating our families and surfing the internet (Yes, I updated my Facebook status several times during my laborJ). Mom got back at about 4:30 and my doctor, Dr. Benedict, came in about twenty minutes later. I was dilated to nine centimeters and still had the anterior lip on my cervix. We were all really shocked I was that far. I had only been in labor for nine hours and I was almost ready to push.

The baby’s heart rate was still dropping with every contraction. At this point, I was just hooked on the external monitors that wrap around the stomach. Judy came in and said that Dr. Benedict wanted to switch to the internal monitors to more accurately track the baby’s heart rate and my contractions. Judy told us this was just a precaution. After they placed my internal monitors, there was a beeping that timed with the baby’s heart rate. I could feel my contractions coming and with every one, I could hear how slow his heart rate dropped to. It was dropping down into the 70s; a normal baby heart rate range is 120-150 beats per minute. I was beginning to get worried and I could see Jayson was too. On the monitor, I could see all the notes the nurses were putting on my chart. The most recent note said “Physician notified-advised to proceed with amnioinfusion per instructions”. Not having any idea what amnioinfusion was, Jayson looked it up online. About the time he found some decent information, Judy came in with a second IV pole. She told us that they were going to flood my uterus with saline to try and rehydrate it and see if that helped his heart rate stabilize. Even though I was trying to stay calm, I was starting to get worried.

Dr. Benedict came in again to check at about 5:30. I could feel pressure further down inside. He checked my cervix and I was ready to go. The pressure I was feeling was the baby’s head. He was at the ‘plus two’ station. However, when Dr. Benedict checked me, the baby’s head was turned to the side instead of down like it was supposed to be. Dr. Benedict tried to get him to turn his head but it didn’t seem to help. Judy said it was still possible to have a vaginal birth even with his head turned. I really didn’t want a Caesarean so I really hoped she was right.

Now that I was fully dilated and effaced, it was time to push. I looked at mom and Jayson and could feel the excitement in my face; the long wait of the past nine-ish months was finally coming to an end and I was going to have my baby soon. Judy began to pull all the necessary tools out of the closets. It was only 6:15, my labor had gone really well and it seemed like everything was going good; but I had forgotten about the problems with the baby’s heart rate. With all the emotions I was suddenly experiencing, it would be a while before his heart rate was brought back into the forefront of my mind.

Jayson was at my side, ready to rub my back and help hold me up while I pushed. Mom held my left foot and Judy held my right. I began to push, expecting a lot of pain but there wasn’t any; just pressure. Mom counted to ten for me while I held my breath and pushed as hard as I could. With each contraction, I pushed three times, for ten seconds each time. I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right because I couldn’t really feel anything but everyone told me I was doing it right so I just kept going.

I pushed like this for forty-five minutes. I was feeling pretty good; a little winded but I was just excited to be almost holding my baby. It was about 7:00 when Dr. Benedict came in to check again. He had gone from being dressed in business casual clothes to the standard green hospital scrubs. Judy told me that when I pushed, the baby moved down to the ‘plus three’ station but would move back to the ‘plus two’ station when I was done pushing. Since the baby’s head was still turned to the side, Dr. Benedict wanted to try the ‘vacuum’ on the baby’s head to see if he could move the baby down a little bit. Before he placed the vacuum on the baby’s head, he put on a gown and cap in case delivery happened quickly. He placed the vacuum on the baby’s head and during two or three contractions, tried pulling while I was pushing. I looked at Jayson’s face and could tell something was going on but I was trying not to focus on anything but pushing.

Suddenly, Dr. Benedict said to Judy, “We have to do something. We can’t keep watching this.” I saw Mom’s face get a confused look and she asked him what he meant. He said “We need a C-section” but I knew what he meant before he explained it. It was like everything I didn’t want to happen was going to anyway. Wondering what he meant about not wanting to keep watching ‘this’, I turned around to look at the monitors. With every contraction, the baby’s heart rate dropped into the low 30s. Something was really wrong but I was terrified to have a C-section. The combination of being scared about the surgery and being so worried about the baby put me into tears. I remember telling Jayson and my mom how unfair it was; my pregnancy had been so easy and my labor was far from the hellish nightmare I had prepared myself for and now, after having it so easy, I had to have a C-section.

It was 7:17 when Dr. Benedict called for the C-section and it seemed like nurses and aides came out of nowhere. I was being told who this nurse was and who that nurse was but I was too upset to pay that kind of attention. They laid me back on the bed and put the stirrups away. An anesthesiologist came in and started telling me what he was going to do. Someone came in and threw a pair of scrubs to Jayson and told him to get dressed if he was coming with me. Another nurse placed an oxygen mask on my face while another did a blood draw on my left arm. Mom was telling me how proud she was and how it was going to be okay. Mom’s C-section had gone so horrible-she had every complication possible and I was terrified mine would go the same way. I knew Mom was doing her best to calm me down but I was absolutely terrified. I saw Jayson changing and grabbing the camera to bring with him but it was like everything was happening so fast; there were so many things that I wanted to focus on but my thoughts couldn’t move that fast. I kept apologizing to everyone for being so upset even though Jayson, Mom and several of my new nurses kept telling me that I had nothing to apologize for. I sure felt like I did.

I said goodbye to my mom and called out to Jayson to make sure he was with me. The operating room was just down the hall from our room so we were there very quickly. I heard someone call out “entering OR at 7:25.” What had felt so long to me back in my room getting prepped for the transport had in reality only been eight minutes. The put the drape up so I couldn’t see what was going on but I could see enough of a reflection in the overhead light so I turned to focus on Jayson, telling him that I didn’t want to do this. He told me that everything was going to be okay and that soon our baby was here.

The anesthesiologist told me that my drug dose in my epidural wasn’t fully kicked in yet but as soon as the baby was out, they would give me something stronger. I could feel tugging and pulling and I knew that was the doctor trying to get the baby out. The anesthesiologist was telling me that I was almost done, a few more tugs and he would be out. I grabbed onto Jayson’s hand and I felt a final pressure-popping sensation and I must have blacked out for a few seconds. When I came back to, I kept asking Jayson if he was okay. I looked at Jayson’s face and saw tears in his eyes as he said “Listen, that’s our baby. Can you hear him crying? That’s our baby.” He pointed over to the left side of the room where I could see a cluster of nurses around an area. This is where they were cleaning the baby off and checking his responsiveness.

I could hear the baby crying but I felt so disoriented. I think at this point, the anesthesiologist gave me more powerful drugs because I passed out. I’m not sure how long I was out but it was long enough the nurses had finished cleaning up the baby and Jayson was holding him when I came to. I could see Jayson and could see him holding a blanketed bundle but I couldn’t make my eyes focus enough to see him clearly. I tried to reach out to touch my baby but it felt like my arms weren’t long enough or that I couldn’t make my arms move the way they were supposed to. I said out loud that I couldn’t see and someone from behind me said it was a side effect of the drugs. I wanted to say something but my brain and mouth refused to cooperate together.

I don’t know if I passed out again or if I just couldn’t concentrate long enough to notice but suddenly Jayson and the baby were gone. The anesthesiologist told me they had gone to the neonatal intensive care unit, or NICU, since he was a C-section baby. I felt so unstable and I hated it. I had so many questions to ask but the only one I could form was to ask how much he weighed. The anesthesiologist told me he was seven pounds and three ounces. As I was trying to form another question, he told the nurses “You’ll probably have to answer that a few more times, she’s had a mixture of Versed and Ketamine.” I wanted to tell him I could hear every word and didn’t appreciate being talked about like I wasn’t there but I didn’t have the energy, so even though I was a little mad at him, I let it go.

The next time I woke up, I was in a different room. The lights were dimmed and there was only one nurse with me now. She was sitting at a computer and when I began to stir, she told me that I was in the recovery room for the OR and would be here for an hour. All I cared about was where Jayson and my baby were, and if he was okay. The nurse told me they would be here as soon as they were released from the NICU. I was still so confused and foggy. I had no idea what time it was. The nurse said it was almost 8:00. It felt like so much more time had passed. She told me the baby was born at 7:36. As I struggled to do the math in my head, I realized from the time that the C-section was called for to the time the baby was born, only nineteen minutes had passed. It took eight minutes to get me prepped for the OR and another eleven minutes to deliver the baby. That was incredible. It had felt like SO much more time had passed.

I asked if they were able to see why the baby’s heart rate kept dropping with every contraction and it turns out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Every time I had a contraction, it would put pressure on the cord, causing his heart to slow down. When I had a contraction and pushed, it was completely kinking it off. That was also why the ‘vacuum’ wasn’t doing anything to move the baby; he was down as far as he could go. I’m so thankful my doctor had the experience and insight to know when to call it quits; had we done anymore, we could have caused damage to him. After I had my questions answered, the nurse began running though a series of her own questions about my pain levels and whether or not I could feel my legs. All of my vital signs were normal and I was starting to be able to focus my eyes again; I just wanted to see my baby. Mom came in and started telling me how beautiful he was and how he had so much hair.

A few minutes later, my need to see and hold my son was fulfilled. Jayson came in and a nurse followed behind him pushing a cart with a clear tub on the top. Even though my eyes were beginning to see better, I couldn’t see much detail that far away but I could hear the baby. Boy, did that kid have lungs! Jayson jokingly laughed and told me that he was the loudest baby in the nursery. I had to giggle. I was so anxious to see him and hold him up close to me. In the back of my mind, I was still bummed about having a C-section but that emotion was erased when Jayson told me Dr. Benedict said I had done great and should be able to have a regular delivery next time, if I wanted.

Jayson handed me the baby and almost instantly, he stopped crying. It was perfect. He was beyond description. He had the most beautiful round face and when he opened his eyes and looked at me, it was like a piece of myself had been replaced; a piece that I didn’t even know I was missing in the first place. I never wanted to let him go. It was absolutely astounding how something so little could have such a pull on me. All of the fears I had when it was decided I needed a C-section and all the worries I had about my recovery were completely erased in that moment. I knew there were days that were going to hurt but none of that mattered right now. I had Jayson next to me and little Peyton in my arms-life was perfect.

Peyton has been here for a little over a week and I couldn’t love my life anymore than I do right now. I love his little hands with his long fingers that he likes to wrap around mine. I love his long feet with his monkey toes that he can grab blankets with. I love his long, dark hair and I love how his eyes look like they are going to be like his Daddy’s. I love how little his butt is compared to how big his belly is. I love how he sneezes. I love the look on his face as he coughs after he ate too much. I love that he smiles; I don’t care what the reason is, I love that toothless grin no matter what. I love his chubby cheeks. I love his sad faces; they are so cute, I can’t help but smile when he makes them. I love the sounds he makes while he is sleeping. I love how he stretches when he first starts to wake up. I love how his skin smells and how it feels on my lips when I kiss him. I think that it is safe to say I love everything about the second man who has stolen my heart.